036. Won’t See What Might Have Been.

Faggot.

Whore.

Stupid.

Piece of shit.

Grow the fuck up.

Get a job.

You shouldn’t be on disability, you choose to be mentally fucked.

You’re always poor.

Who gives a shit.

Same day, different Nixy problem.
Those are things people say to me on a daily basis and tonight? I almost walked in front of a bus. Continue reading “036. Won’t See What Might Have Been.”

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036. Won’t See What Might Have Been.

035. If Yer Agitated and You Know It (Clap Your Hands)

I last posted on December 27, and while I wanted to post on the 31st and then again on the 1st, I didn’t (obviously) and let negativity and depression take hold. I originally wanted this post to be a ‘look at what’s going on and how can I fix it’ post but in the end, it didn’t go that way. I guess this is just a stupid venting/explaining myself post so feel free to skip? I don’t know. Continue reading “035. If Yer Agitated and You Know It (Clap Your Hands)”

035. If Yer Agitated and You Know It (Clap Your Hands)

034. Holidays and Depression.

Two weeks ago I would’ve said that the holidays were painful, which is true -they are and they were. My weeks leading up to Christmas were emotional and I cried every day. I was in the deepest depressive episode I have experienced in well over a year. My main things were that I would be alone for the holidays and then came the embarrassing part: people were talking about what they got other people (I had no money to get gifts except for my best friend and even then, we imposed a 30$ limit) and the fact that everyone was going to do a haul post on Facebook, Instagram etc… and the childish part inside of me really felt left out and oddly, jealous. Continue reading “034. Holidays and Depression.”

034. Holidays and Depression.

033. Seroquel Weaning (5 Months Into It)

Tapering Seroquel XR (Quetiapine) thus far has been easy. I (along with my clinician/therapist and my psychiatrist) decided that after seven and a half years, it was time I stopped the drug and was able to possibly see if I could function without it or [worst-case scenario] put on something else.

It is now December and I have been weaning from my high dose down to where I’m at now: 125mg. That’s five months of weaning and only now am I starting to get a slew of symptoms: my heart rate is higher than normal this week which makes me wonder if it’s related to my period coming in a few days (whoops, TMI, grow up) or the fact that hormone changes with a period tends to trigger POTS symptoms in those of us with dysautonomia.

Then I found this article and it actually described exactly the spot I’m at now. Here’s the list of symptoms they’re posting that I have going on right now (the full list is at the link above): Continue reading “033. Seroquel Weaning (5 Months Into It)”

033. Seroquel Weaning (5 Months Into It)

032. Friday Five “Pain” (12/11/2014)

friday5

For those who are just turning into my blog now and never were around LJ – Friday Five is one of the original LJ memes. Original internet memes along with those 100 questions about you memes. Now, the Friday Five is continued here on LiveJournal with contributions by community members. Here are the five questions for Friday, December 12, 2014: Continue reading “032. Friday Five “Pain” (12/11/2014)”

032. Friday Five “Pain” (12/11/2014)